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Post by crossbrand on Nov 22, 2008 19:34:24 GMT -4
Only rule: Be funny ;D
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Post by newageretrohippie on Nov 22, 2008 20:36:38 GMT -4
Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other "boy, is it hot in here". The other says "AHHH TALKING MUFFIN!!!
Knock Knock "Who's there?" Interrupting cow" Interrupting co- Moooo
What's the best way to kill a circus? Go for the juggler
What do you call black president? The president you fucking racist!
An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
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usagi
Full Member
I LOVE THE SCREAMS OF CHILDREN!
Posts: 140
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Post by usagi on Nov 22, 2008 21:28:35 GMT -4
Do you know why elephants wear green sneakers? Oh, nevermind.
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Post by AnimatedEvey47 on Nov 23, 2008 0:02:17 GMT -4
An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts! LMFAO!!! I have one: An old lady goes into a taxi cab. She says 'TGIF'. The cab driver tells her 'S-H-I-T, S-H-I-T!' The lady goes "What?" The cab driver then tells her "Sorry honey, it's Thursday"
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Post by newageretrohippie on Nov 23, 2008 2:16:32 GMT -4
There was a little boy who lived in a far away land. Close to the boy's home, there was a tall mountain, always covered in snow at the top. Also at the top of the mountain, there was an ancient monastery where ancient monks lived.
Sometimes, the little boy, as he was riding his tricycle around his yard, would look up at the monastery on the tall mountain and wonder what it was like up there.
One day, when the wind was blowing down off the mountain, the air turned quite cold and the little boy could hear a very strange noise on the wind. It was coming from the monastery! He could not figure out what could possibly be making such a strange noise and he was curious.
So, the little boy made a peanut butter sandwich, hopped on his tricycle and started his ride up to the monastery. It took him hours and hours, but he finally made it to the top. He bravely pounded on the massive door to the monastery and the head monk opened the door.
"Hello, Mr. Monk, sir. Down at my home in the valley below, I heard a very strange noise coming from your monastery. Could you tell me what it is?"
"I'm sorry," replied the head monk, "I can't tell you. You aren't a monk."
Sadly, the little boy got back on his tricycle and rode all the way home, in a very foul and frustrated mood. He really did want to know what was making that noise.
The wind did not blow down off the mountain again until a couple years later. The boy was a bit bigger and stronger now and now rode around town on his bicycle.
As luck would have it, he was out riding when the wind blew down off the mountain, the air turned quite cold, and he heard a very strange noise on the wind. It was coming from the monastery! He could not figure out what could possibly be making such a strange noise and he was curious.
So, the bigger boy made a ham and cheese sandwich, hopped on his bicycle and started his ride up to the monastery. It took him hours, but he finally made it to the top. He pounded on the massive door to the monastery and the head monk opened the door.
"Hey, Mr. Monk. Down at my home in the valley below, I heard a very strange noise coming from your monastery. Could you tell me what it is?"
"I'm sorry," replied the head monk, "I can't tell you. You aren't a monk."
Sadly, the big boy got back on his bicycle and rode all the way home, in a very foul and frustrated mood. He really did want to know what was making that noise.
The wind did not blow down off the mountain again until a couple years later. The boy had grown into a strapping youth now and rode around town on his motorcycle.
As luck would have it, he was out riding when the wind blew down off the mountain, the air turned quite cold, and he heard a very strange noise on the wind. It was coming from the monastery! He could not figure out what could possibly be making such a strange noise and he was curious.
So, the strapping youth grabbed a slice of pizza, hopped on his motorcycle and started his ride up to the monastery. It took him 30 minutes, but he finally made it to the top. He pounded on the massive door to the monastery and the head monk opened the door.
"Yo, Mr. Monk, dude. Down at my home in the valley below, I heard a very strange noise coming from your monastery. Could you tell me what it is?"
"I'm sorry," replied the head monk, "I can't tell you. You aren't a monk."
Sadly, the strapping youth got back on his motorcycle and rode all the way home, in a very foul and frustrated mood. He really did want to know what was making that noise.
The wind did not blow down off the mountain again until a couple years later. The boy was now a young man and often rode around in his new convertible sportscar.
As luck would have it, he was out riding when the wind blew down off the mountain, the air turned quite cold, and he heard a very strange noise on the wind. It was coming from the monastery! He could not figure out what could possibly be making such a strange noise and he was curious.
So, the young man bought a burger at a fast food place, got in his convertible sportscar, and started his ride up to the monastery. It took him 20 minutes, but he finally made it to the top. He pounded on the massive door to the monastery and the head monk opened the door.
"Mr. Monk. Down at my home in the valley below, I heard a very strange noise coming from your monastery. Could you tell me what it is?"
"I'm sorry," replied the head monk, "I can't tell you. You aren't a monk."
Sadly, the young man got back in his convertible sportscar and rode all the way home, in a very foul and frustrated mood. He really did want to know what was making that noise.
That night, he thought and thought about the very strange noise and how he just had to know what caused it. So, he resolved to do something about it the next day.
The next day, he got in his convertible sportscar and raced up the mountain, slammed on his brakes, and skidded to a stop right in front of the massive door to the monastery.
He honked the horn of his convertible sportscar until the head monk finally opened the door.
"Alright, Mr. Monk, I want to know what is making that very strange noise coming from you monastery!"
"I'm sorry," replied the head monk, "I can't tell you. You aren't a monk."
"Well, then can I become a monk?"
"Why certainly! It is quite easy. You must travel the earth and count the number of blades of grass in every field and the number of grains of sand on every beach. When you return with your answer, then you shall be a monk."
So the young man left the monastery and travelled the earth. For years and years he counted the blades of grass and grains of sand, until one day he had finally finished. He made his way slowly back to the monastery and found the head monk.
"Oh, Mr. Monk, I have travelled the earth these past years, counting the blades of grass and grains of sand. I finally know that there are 123,123,123,123,123 blades of grass in the fields and 123,123,123,123,123 grains of sand on the beaches and I would like to become a monk."
So the man became a monk. At last, he would now be able to find out the source of that very strange noise coming from the monastery.
"Mr. Monk, what is the noise coming from the monastery?" asked the new monk.
The head monk replied, "The source is too complicated to describe in words. I am afraid that you must see it for yourself to truly understand it. This key will show you the answer you seek."
"Take this key to the deepest, darkest corner of the coldest, dampest room in the dirtiest, filthiest cavern under the monastery. There you will find a long corridor. At the end of the corridor is a door and through the door is the thing that makes the noise."
Well, of course the new monk went immediately to the deepest, darkest corner of the coldest, dampest room in the dirtiest, filthiest cavern under the monastery and there he did indeed find the long corridor. He walked down the corridor until he could see the door at the end.
Unfortunately, there were three magical fires that never go out blocking the man from the door. He decided to jump the fires to reach the door. The man made sure the key was secure in his hand, took a running charge at the first fire and leapt!
Over the first fire he flew, but he dropped the key. The man leapt back over the fire, ran all the way back down the long corridor, out of the deepest, darkest corner of the coldest, dampest room in the dirtiest, filthiest cavern under the monastery and back to the head monk.
"Oh, Mr. Monk! I am so sorry! I went to the deepest, darkest corner of the coldest, dampest room in the dirtiest, filthiest cavern under the monastery, down the long corridor to the door, but there were magical fires and I dropped the key in the first one as I leapt over it."
"Do not worry, for there is another key and you must overcome tests on your way to enlightenment. The second key, however is far, far away in Canada."
The new monk left the monastery and travelled to Canada. It took many years because he had no money, being a monk and all.
Eventually, he arrived in Canada and managed to track down the key to the door. The monk then had to make the return journey equally as painstakingly, but finally he arrived back at the monastery. Down into the deepest, darkest corner of the coldest, dampest room in the dirtiest, filthiest cavern under the monastery he went, until he found the long corridor.
The three magical fires were in front of him as he took a running start.
Over the first fire went the monk, key still in hand!
Over the second fire went the monk, key still- RATS! He had dropped the key in the second fire. The monk leapt back over the second fire, back over the first fire, back down the long corridor he walked and out of the deepest, darkest corner of the coldest, dampest room in the dirtiest, filthiest cavern under the monastery. The monk went back to the head monk.
"Oh, Mr. Monk! I am so sorry! I went to the deepest, darkest corner of the coldest, dampest room in the dirtiest, filthiest cavern under the monastery, down the long corridor to the door, but there were magical fires and I dropped the key in the second one as I leapt over it."
"Do not worry, for there is one more key and we must all overcome tests on our way to enlightenment. The third key, however is far, far away in Australia."
The monk left the monastery and travelled to Australia. It took many years because he had no money being a monk and all.
Eventually he arrived in Australia and managed to track down the key to the door. The monk then had to make the return journey equally as painstakingly, but finally he arrived back at the monastery. By this time, he was quite an old monk.
Down into the deepest, darkest corner of the coldest, dampest room in the dirtiest, filthiest cavern under the monastery he went, until he found the long corridor. The three magical fires were in front of him as he took a running start.
Over the first fire went the quite old monk, key still in hand!
Over the second fire went the quite old monk, key still in hand!
Over the THIRD fire went the quite old monk, key still in hand!
He had made it! He'd made the jumps and here he was standing outside the door with the answer to his question. Finally, finally, after so many, many, many years of wanting to know what was making the strange noise, he would know. The answer lay through the door in front of him and he could at last be at peace with himself.
Slowly, the quite old monk slid the key into the lock. Turning the key a slight 'click' was to be heard as the lock moved back allowing the quite old monk to open the door. He pushed the door open and stepped inside.
Shock and amazement came over him as he finally realized the answer to his question!
"Do you want me to tell you what it was?"
"I'm sorry, I can't tell you. You aren't a monk."
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Post by Kirin no Rei 77 on Nov 23, 2008 3:11:48 GMT -4
Rangers hockey. ;D
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Post by youkuro on Nov 23, 2008 22:43:20 GMT -4
dude that joke was long. anyway, here's one:
"An old jewish couple went to Jerusalem on vacation. While they were there, the wife died in her sleep. The mortician suggested that the widow husband can either have her body shipped back to America for $1500 or buried there in the Holy Lands for only $500. The husband chose to ship his deceased wife home to America. The mortician asked why.
The husband said, "A long time ago, a man died here and was buried. Then 3 days later, he rose from the dead and well.....I just can't take that chance."
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Post by Kirin no Rei 77 on Nov 23, 2008 22:59:58 GMT -4
Here's a corny one... How do you get an OU graduate off your front porch? -Pay them for the pizza *beats the crap out of herself for being so very, VERY lame*
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Post by newageretrohippie on Nov 24, 2008 0:55:34 GMT -4
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usagi
Full Member
I LOVE THE SCREAMS OF CHILDREN!
Posts: 140
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Post by usagi on Nov 25, 2008 2:23:42 GMT -4
Wow, way to be a total misogynist, hippie.
Here's a good joke: My love life. Haha! XD
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Post by newageretrohippie on Nov 25, 2008 4:59:20 GMT -4
Honesty, the joke itself doesn't matter and is pretty interchangeable. The humor lies in him putting the glasses on top of the other glasses and having knowledge about CSI.
Anyway
Why don't dinosaurs talk? They're all dead!
Jack had a parakeet named Enza. He got sick, and his parakeet went missing. He was about to give up on life, but then in flew Enza. What illness did he have?
A man walks into a bar. He has a drinking problem and his family is very worried about him.
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Post by crossbrand on Nov 25, 2008 14:19:26 GMT -4
Ryu and Ken are sparring one day, Ryu trips on a rock and lands on some grass. Ken laughs and says: "Ryu, you're an idiot." Then Ken trips and falls off a hill and lands into a wet marsh. Ken covered in muck and dead leaves, stands up, and Ryu shouts down the hill: "SO ARE YOU, KEN!!!
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Post by newageretrohippie on Nov 25, 2008 18:04:15 GMT -4
Another Street Fighter Joke Know why they call me the "Hadouken"? I'm Down Right Fierce What is Ness's and Sonic's favorite drink to have together? Nesquik Another Sonic related joke xbox360.ign.com/objects/142/14242719.htmlThank you thank you. I'm here all night.
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Post by crossbrand on Nov 25, 2008 19:17:22 GMT -4
Last SF joke i remembered [Let me point out that Guile and Ken are related to each other through their wives and yes this is cannon to UDONs books and CAPCOMs recent released games SO its not impossible that they might live near each other]
Ken is mowing his lawn one day and Guile was also eager to finish his Lawn as well but his lawnmower wasnt working properly. Guile goes up to Ken and yells over the engine:HEY KEN! CAN I BORROW...." Ken cant hear and replies:"SORRY MAN, IT TAKES A WHILE TO TURN OFF!!!" To which Guile replied:"I JUST WANTED TO ASK IF I CAN BURROW YOUR LAWNMOWER WHEN YOUR DONE!!!" To which Ken replied: "SURE YOU CAN!!!"
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Post by megkrisericsk8whip on Nov 29, 2008 3:04:30 GMT -4
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
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